It’s also different than what is known as self-focused listening, which is where the listener relates everything the speaker says to something they’ve done, seen or have an opinion on. For example, it requires more attention, energy and focus than passive or distanced listening, the kind of listening someone does while multitasking, watching the kids play in the playground or generally being distracted by being absent-minded. A willingness to make an adjustment if the conversation takes a turn by not holding onto a preconceived agenda or outcome in mind.Īctive listening is different from other forms of listening.An open-minded and non-judgmental attitude.So, active listening is said to require three things, known as the three A’s: To do that, you, as the listener, have to tune into multiple facets: Facial expressions and body language, as well as the actual words you hear so that you can decipher someone’s true message - and then, effectively process it. “A great active listener hears not only the words that are being said but the underlying story behind the words.” “ involves stepping into someone else’s story, taking out your own judgments and opinions, and really listening to what is being said,” adds Whitman. In short, active listening is being truly present and engaged while someone is talking to you, so that you can actively hear what is being said in the conversation.

However, if we want to actively listen, she explains, we have to shut down those questions and any other wandering thoughts we might have so that we can be present and truly hear what’s being said to us. “Do we agree? What are we going to say next? How can I get my point across?” “Most of the time, we are listening to a speaker with one side of our brain, while the other side is constantly formulating a response,” explains Susan Whitman, a physician assistant, board-certified life coach, and instructor in the Integrative Health and Wellness Coaching Program at the University of Vermont.

Not only that, but our minds tend to also be thinking about other things while we’re trying to listen. Our brains are hardwired to notice things -like that alert that pops up, or the passerby with the strange hat - even when someone is talking to us. The truth is, active listening can be hard to do - even if it sounds easy.

We've all been there!īut that’s not the only time you, or the person you were talking to, tend to get distracted by something else ( like the phone!) during a conversation. If you’ve ever been in the middle of a discussion (read: argument) with your partner and heard the exasperated phrase “ J ust listen to me,” chances are you were definitely not practicing active listening at the moment.

Active listening